February 2012
7 posts
Unthinkable Creatures is this busy, hectic workshop filled day and night with the bodies and the work and the sounds of a bunch of intense, tough, dreamy ladies with tattoos and asymmetrical haircuts. It’s housed in an abandoned foundry: writing desks and craft tables and tattoo stations, letter presses and copiers and laptops and reams of paper and skeins of wool and crates of records and...
Writing the secret [fear/shame/anger]
This writing comes from a place [of love/of anger]. I do feel that love and anger are not mutually exclusive. Thanks to KS for reviewing this piece.
It also addresses triggering topics including suicide and trans*misogyny, like much of the writing I do in this space. Please care for yourself in whatever way necessary.
I feel such pride/joy/inspiration/optimism when I watch my drag king friends...
What we write about when we're avoiding writing...
[Trigger warning: the following thing references suicide, as does this warning.]
An incomplete list of the things that helped me repeatedly not kill myself today:
Avery Edison’s blog, twitter stream, and stand-up comedy
Billy Cheer’s twitter stream (I mean, really)
twitter in general
Oliver Bendorf’s reassurance that the injustices I see are real
Little Light’s...
I’m so, so scared [of/to write] what I’m writing right now. I’m scared because it’s something I’ve been silent about for a long time, something that’s killing me that I don’t feel like anyone wants to hear. I’m scared because there are only about 6 people in the world that I really love and interdepend on, and they’re all cis queer women or...
Two weeks ago, my friends and I threw a party to raise money for my self care fund. It was pretty good.
I’ve got a whole stack of privileges I unjustly benefit from. I’m white, not fat, “able bodied”, not in poverty; I have a BS from a state university. I also often (but decreasingly) get read as a straight or normatively gay male binary man, which carries privilege...
Trying to write/speak the very deep shame and...
I’ve been [searching for/trying to create] language to talk about my needs+desires+boundaries+feelings around my trans* experience/identity.
“medical costs” —> “health care costs” —> “self care costs”
“transition” —> “transformation” —> “trans* experience”
“feminize my...
January 2012
12 posts
…that super [weird/lovely/gross] [intimacy/violation] of the emailed receipt that shows Amos Mac’s legal name very close to my legal name. The dissociative fugue brought on by the hegemonic identity politics of institutional commerce.
After Ana Božičević’s Same Difference in Evening Will Come.
I encountered a wolf once. I was walking home from another farm. It was dusk, and I walked down the road and the wolf followed, parallel, in the field. It felt exhilarating like I could be eaten. But the exhilaration was a function of not being eaten.
—(p. 3, as posted to my Facebook wall by KS)
The exhilaration of...
queeragripoetics:
tonight i showed nic bravo the mockup i made. she read it, fast, standing in the kitchen as she ate slices of cheese.
“i don’t understand how you and maureen love the secret longing,” she said, “i feel totally the opposite. to me it is the worst thing in the world.”
Secret longing is not a thing.
My project is explicit and consensual communication about desires, needs, and...
Identity checkpoint
I am a queer non-binary trans* lady. My identity is socially constructed and fluid.
Sex: trans* (T)
Gender: queer non-binary trans* lady, diesel femme, grrrl
Attraction: dyke. Potentially attracted to people who are faab and/or trans* and/or non-binary; basically anyone, except for [very masculine] men.
Body: trans*, feminine, non-binary, unsexed; cunt-identified
Assigned at birth:...
Too many lists.
I’ve been on hormones for almost 6 weeks. I’ve seen a lot of changes already, much faster than I expected. I’m super happy with them, and I feel like my quality of life and the quality of my relationships has changed a lot. This is complicated.
I’m pretty ambivalent/suspicious of the medicalization of trans* experiences. While I have chosen a medicalized mode of living as...
Found this picture of myself and the bear from the boy days. My very first thought:
“I’d make a really hott guy…”
My body and my life are both so different now, compared to that time. The bear’s dead. My body hair is mostly gone. I weigh about ten pounds less. Those jeans are ruined and that couch is burned up and those glasses are at the bottom of a dresser drawer....
In the last four days, I’ve slept in my own bed once, I’ve had five meals, 12 cups of coffee, met tons of new people, and blossomed as a slut.
In the last three days, I’ve been freaked, fucked, cuddled, been felt up and dominated, spooned, taped up, made into bondage art, and joined FetLife.
In the past two and a half days, I’ve slept in three strange places (including...
My name is Sebastian and I run/write the blog xxboy. From now on, my original blog will feature mainly original content and commentary. If I want to “reblog” someone else’s post or raise awareness for an element of the trans community on tumblr, I will use this blog.
(via XXBOY REBLOGS)
And so was born Nic Bravo Reblogs.
December 2011
3 posts
3 tags
Access.
Three blue pills
Two medium white pills
One large white pill
One pair black tights
One cup sweet milk chai
One dab conditioner
Directions: Combine dry ingredients as if nothing was different about today. Slowly mix in wet ingredients while browsing the internet. Cover with a towel and let chest rise. Serve blazing hot in early afternoon.
October 2011
6 posts
The worst of myself.
Trigger warning: rape, misogyny, other triggers.
Recently, a dear friend from my past contacted me out of the blue and we’ve become pen pals. I love pen pals so much y’all.
She started off one of our first correspondences like so (some parts have been redacted):
Nic,
Let’s start with an anecdote!
One time, back in the day, we were sitting in the back of a...
Trigger warning: depression, suicidal ideation, other triggers.
So you know that feeling, you remember that feeling from when you were really young and skinned your knee or feel and scraped yourself? Or maybe you can identify with that pain because you have kids or young siblings or you work around kids. There was an age when I had so little experience with physical pain that every injury was a...
In which I try to convince myself that I'm not...
*A list of projects I’m working on.
Living & working on a small farm in a queer lady experiment-in-consensual-and-non-violent-communication household
Working as an author/technical editor on a USDA grant through the local land-grant institution
Working as a tech/design person for a really inspiring social change project of the local university’s business school
Consulting with...
Why I'm at home on my computer on a Friday night
Trigger warning: suicide, transphobia, gender dysphoria, other triggers.
So I’m lying in bed, cold, hungry, alone at home. It’s pride weekend and some old friends are in town and some friends of mine are debuting their new drag troupe this evening at a house party, but my social anxiety and gender dysphoria has kept me changing clothes for the last 6 hours.
My involvement with this...
Tools for fixing today
Chicken soup
Painkillers
Crest Whitestrips
Piggy time
Dr. Who
Money
Money
Money
At TransCon Justice Summit
There’ll be a lot of panels today, including legal workshops. If y’all have any legal questions related to queer/trans rights or transition, message me or (preferrably) tweet me @nicbravo.
September 2011
6 posts
$1780/$3500 = ~1/2
Trigger warning: murder, anti-trans violence, other triggers
As I get closer to being financially able to start HRT, I’m really scared of losing my cis privilege.
I have a lot of part-time jobs that I work as well as I can, trying to save up money for medical bills. Most of the money I earn comes from jobs where I’m in disguise, pretending to be a man (not surprising, since men are...
3 tags
Canadian Farmer’s Market Demands Firing Of... →
(story via inkstainedqueer)
He doesn’t believe this is a case of discrimination.
“Why would I be discriminating? I’m not discriminating at all. I’m just asking which washroom would they use? How can you go into a men’s washroom dressed as a lady, how can you go into ladies washroom when you’re a man. That’s the difficulty I have. It’s not discriminating at all. The issue is at hand.”
...
So me and you are reading this zine and you're all...
(SMAYARTZAYALWTIGAIAK)
Favorite thing of the day.
Good night.
Me: What time is it?
*Me: 12:35 am.
Me: What am I doing?
*Me: Not sleeping.
Me: Nope, not sleeping. Because?
*Me: Because people are being QUEER on the INTERNET and it makes me feel like a HUMAN BEING.
Me: So, I'm… ?
*Me: …so, I'm reading the new, unreleased(?), super-secret(?), WPATH SOC (World Professional Association for Trans[gender, ugh] Health Standards of Care) 7th edition, as discussed at the just-concluded conference. Which my therapist is at. Which was called "Transgender Beyond Disorder." (!!!!!)
Me: Ok. That's great. Probably I should go to sleep though, because people will still be queer tomorrow and I have to feed the piggies and the chickies in, like, less than seven hours from now.
*Me: zzzzzzzzz.
(link): http://ugcs.net/~irene/drop/soc.pdf
The way I imagine my history, remembering as I do...
I was not a man or a woman or a boy or a girl or big or strong or beautiful when I was born. My parents and the people in their lives, and the doctor and some other people I’m sure had already become very attached to the idea that I would be a boy and become a man. I was told I was a boy, and that I would become a man, and this seemed more or less possible to me at the time, I imagine, and...
This is the email I’m about to send to my mother in response to her abuse and transphobia. It’s real, real fuckin’ hard to hit send.
Dear Mom,
Here’s an excerpt from an essay one of my friends wrote (I edited it slightly):
Scenario: You’ve messed up a trans person’s name/pronouns. You didn’t mean to, but you can see the anguish on their face, and you want...
August 2011
5 posts
“Trust that the way i see my body is not a personal attack.”
– (via Rhube)
Word. Time to memorize this phrase.
15 tags
"When I knew": a zinethology of our first queer...
…I’ve decided to put together a zine specifically based on these stories. The theme is “When I knew”, meaning when you realized you deviated from the assumed heterosexual label society sticks on all of us without our consent. You are also invited to include your story and definition of what ‘queer’ means to you.
Send me your story! Let’s build queer community through solidarity and...
“I am a dyke and mostly date other dykes.”
– (via Sawyer)
Easiest way for me to say it.
Five hundred and ‰
I went to the bank today and deposited $500 in a very special bank account. It’s the account that has to have $3500 before I can start my first year of HRT.
I’ve theoretically been working since I graduated in May to fund my transition.
I expected to have that full figure by now, and instead I’m ⅐ of the way there.
I have mixed feelings about this.
On the one hand, I feel...
Financial goals
One year of transition-related medical expenses: $3500
New computer (for work): $2000
Bike for commuting and long-distance touring: $2000
Second year of transition-related medical expenses: $2500
July 2011
5 posts
signal boost? is that what the kids say around... →
queeragripoetics:
I’m trying to start a blog about being queer and rural, welcoming submissions of most anything. especially interested in the intersection of queer identity with sense of place. stories, poems, videos, recipes, calls to action, relevant information about pestilence, legislation, parties, etc, etc.
share with any and all interested parties, please.
Gonna be writing for this...
“I’ll quit ‘whining’ when you stop fucking up.”
– (via Oi With The Poodles Already (Here’s the thing)) Dear culture: this.
Instead of acting as though I have no autonomy in this matter, I should be owning my body image, my goals, my intentionality, and be honest about the fact that while it is at least partly as a result of messages I do not agree with but have internalized, this is a choice I am making. Nobody is perfect in their politics, but it’s more important to admit that than to pretend that I had no control...
June 2011
10 posts
How to Post Images on Tumblr With Better... →
Just after writing this post on adding alt-text to images on Tumblr, I saw this post from Michael David Harper from three weeks ago, outlining a very similar method. So, credit where it’s due, thanks to Michael Harper.
Making Tumblr images more accessible.
dear tumblr:
i really hate that when i host photos here, there’s no way to ascribe alt text to them; i want my blog to be more accessible but i want to nest my image descriptions in alt text rather than write text descriptions under the photo. this is really easy to add and a lot of people have asked for it. why do you love being ableist.
(via transartorialism)
I looked into this....
Cisgender privilege within the queer community →
I seldom to never post links here. However, I highly suggest that everyone read this carefully composed essay by Sebastian.
Notebook as object
(This photo and all quotes via whatyoudontknowyetis)
Thinking about the notebook as object//text as image.
…
i want to see under your bathroom sink. (qtips, condoms, bits of string. what touches your body when you are in private) because i am nosy, how you write is almost as interesting as what. can’t quite explain it but it’s a matter of some urgency
Notebook as object:...
Real talk in the face of harassment
excuse me but did you have something to say to me?
(via powslayer)
Yes. Way to be real, grrrl.
I’m writing from the coffee shop where I work, and there’s this similar old, grizzled, obnoxious dude who’s always here and has a tendency to harass and also just generally communicate non-consensually with me and my friends. I’ve realized my own tendency to appease and...
